“WASHINGTON—The Justice Division employee accused of throwing a Subway sandwich at a federal agent was re-arrested by an armed workforce of at the least a half-dozen US Marshals in a dramatic Wednesday evening raid, new video exhibits.
Sean Charles Dunn, 37, was cuffed a second time inside his residence a couple of mile northwest of the White Home—after being slapped with a felony assault cost.
Footage of the raid was posted by the White Home on X Thursday night with the caption: ‘Nighttime Routine: Operation Make D.C. Protected Once more Version.’”
— The New York Submit, August 15
Police headquarters, Washington, D.C., current day. A dusty, small workplace.
A trainee walks in carrying a cake with CONGRATULATIONS! 25 YEARS WITHOUT A SANDWICH-BASED CRIME written on it in massive frosted letters. Senior Detective J, Junior Detective F, and Sergeant P are sitting round. Everybody claps.
Trainee: Who needs to blow it out?
A panicked junior detective, Okay, rushes in.
Detective Okay: Activate the TV.
They activate the TV. On the display screen, footage of a DOJ worker tossing a hoagie at a federal law-enforcement officer and working off.
The trainee drops the cake.
Detective J: No!
Detective Okay: What in tarnation have been these officers doing there? Don’t they know the very first thing about sandwich-crime prevention?
Trainee: It doesn’t appear like it hit very arduous. Appeared soggy.
Girl Sleuth: No. They’ll rely it. Bear in mind the hot-dog incident in ’73?
Detective F: However a scorching canine isn’t a sandwich!
Detective J: The report keepers didn’t agree.
Trainee: We must always have fired the report keepers!
Detective J: (Slamming his fist on the desk.) That’s not how we DO issues within the sandwich division. Doesn’t matter if we get unhealthy press, like a subpar panini. We don’t minimize corners, except the sandwich in query is a round-type sandwich.
Detective F: Some are.
Officer J: You suppose 25 years with out sandwich crime simply HAPPENS?
Trainee: No.
Officer J: We labored for this. It hasn’t been straightforward. Once I acquired began on this beat, you couldn’t stroll down the road in Washington with out having a grilled cheese shoved in your face, should you have been fortunate. Egg salad, should you weren’t.
Detective F: Not all of the sandwiches have been innocent. Some have been golf equipment. Individuals have been too terrified of sandwiches to construct a Subway in Georgetown.
Officer Okay: I nonetheless have a scar from after I took a meatball sub to the chin in ’96 and, afterward, acquired into an unrelated knife struggle.
Officer J: I began right here after transferring from the bread-crimes division in France. I spent a long time searching down a person who stole bread one time. My title is Javert, however that’s not necessary. His title was Jean Valjean. I additionally resented him as a result of I had simply the one title and he had two.
Trainee: That appears extreme.
Officer Javert: I believe so too! One title is sufficient for anybody.
Trainee: Oh, I meant, chasing him for—
Officer Javert: Proper. It was. It turned out what he wanted was rehabilitation and a second likelihood, not me chasing him throughout France, singing. However we realized from it! We realized if we have been proactive fairly than reactive, if we acquired concerned within the communities we served, we might work out what was happening and cease it.
Detective F: Most sandwich crimes are crimes of alternative. Individuals who aren’t carrying sandwiches don’t are inclined to commit sandwich crimes. They do different sorts of crime. We took that statistic to the chief and stated, “You’re certain you need us to go all in on eliminating sandwich crime? Not common crime? Contemplate all of the murders we might stop if we simply handed sandwiches to individuals who have been about to do different crimes.” And so they stated, “No, remedy sandwich crime.”
Detective F: Lunchables are a gateway.
Officer Javert: Instructing little youngsters to assemble their very own sandwiches, as if it have been play! We tackled all of that. We began from the bread up, tackling the foundation causes, after which the extra causes that have been layered on high, after which any sauce that was on high of that.
Officer Okay: I bear in mind when Mark Warner made what he claimed was a tuna soften. And everybody stated, “Name the sandwich-crimes unit!”
Trainee: That was what began me down this path, sir. I noticed it, and I knew it was an abomination, and I wished to cease it.
Officer Javert: The purpose is, individuals belief us. We aren’t simply cops. We all know the group we serve. We all know learn how to de-escalate. We search for non-carceral options. We ask: Why would somebody need to throw a sandwich? How can we repair that? We all know who has beef and if that beef is corned.
Detective F: That didn’t occur in a single day. We realized what to do: management the mayonnaise provide. And what to keep away from: goofy, authoritarian shows of pressure.
Trainee: Most individuals don’t even know there’s such a factor as sandwich crime.
Officer Okay: As a result of nobody has the urge.
Trainee: And that’s due to all of your tireless work.
Officer Javert: You may’t simply are available in, on a whim—
Detective F: Or a caprese.
Officer Javert: —with troops! It’s not proper! (Stares on the TV and sighs.) And so they simply—they ruined all of it! They’re not stopping crime, common or sandwich! They’re simply making good individuals anxious to stroll by their very own neighborhoods. I’m so offended I might throw a good-size flatbread!
Detective F: (Gasps in horror.) NO! You’ve been a mentor!
Officer Javert: With tender bread! A limp one, with the tomato already falling off! Simply up into the air, not at anybody particularly.
Officer Okay: Hearken to your self!
Officer Javert: No, you’re proper. I take it ba—
Six closely armed federal law-enforcement officers knock down the door, handcuff Javert, and begin to haul him off.
Officer Okay: Please! He’s not carrying! And sandwiches aren’t weapons!
Federal enforcement: Sandwich crime is a federal crime.
They drag him away, sirens blaring.
Officer Okay: That’s means too many officers for a sandwich crime!
Trainee: I’m starting to surprise if these individuals actually care about fixing sandwich crime in any respect.
