BMW, I’m so breaking apart with you

I need to be clear from the outset. I’ve by no means been a automobile fanatic. My driving historical past features a hand-me-down Volvo with a gap within the floorboards and a sequence of aggressively sensible automobiles, together with a VW Golf and a Mazda SUV through which I hauled my household round for 12 years. Then I leased a BMW i4 electrical automobile.

What drew me to the i4? In contrast to different electrical automobiles, BMWs don’t appear like one thing out of the Jetsons; I like that they’re understated vehicles that occur to be electrical. I favored that they’re far much less widespread than different EVs in Northern California. Plus, the i4 is available in one thing like a dozen colours, together with “Brooklyn Grey,” which – I do know I sound ridiculous – delighted me in ways in which Tesla’s handful of choices by no means may. I’d learn on-line that early adopters have been having software program points, however with visions of my smooth new BMW dancing in my head, I conveniently filed that info away. These first few drives felt exhilarating, too. The automobile was lovely, the trip was clean, and I felt like we have been going locations.

Practically two years later, I’m doing one thing I by no means thought I’d do: eagerly awaiting the top of a lease on a luxurious automobile as a result of its software program is such a catastrophe that it makes my rusted-out Volvo appear like a paragon of reliability.

A love story gone awry

Let me depend the methods this relationship has gone improper, beginning with essentially the most primary perform: stepping into my very own automobile. On a number of events, I’ve stood in parking tons, unable to unlock its doorways with my cellphone regardless of the BMW Digital Key being particularly designed for this goal. This sounds trivial till you’re juggling melting groceries whereas trying such as you’re making an attempt to steal your personal automobile.

Digital key points have change into so widespread that BMW homeowners have at instances shared elaborate multi-step workarounds that learn like directions for disarming a bomb: “1. Open the BMW app in your cellphone and use it to unlock the door. 2. Register together with your BMW ID in iDrive. 3. Place your iPhone within the automobile’s charging tray. 4. Anticipate the digital key to reappear within the Pockets app. 5. Double-click the aspect button, authenticate with Face ID, and—lastly—begin the automobile.”

The consumer profile system is one other train in futility. I’ve been unable to create visitor profiles with out being demoted to the underside of the consumer hierarchy. What this implies in observe is that if anybody else drives my automobile – even as soon as – the automobile will seize their cellphone and playlist the second they’re inside Bluetooth vary. BMW has over-engineered their profile system to the purpose the place it requires express linking steps that ought to actually occur robotically.

The automobile’s CarPlay integration ranges from poor to actively harmful. Software program updates routinely break CarPlay performance, requiring full reboots of its iDrive infotainment system. The reverse digicam situation is especially maddening; put the automobile in reverse whereas utilizing CarPlay navigation, and while you shift again to drive, you’re dumped onto the house display as an alternative of returning to your instructions. 

The backup digicam itself is virtually ineffective in low gentle situations, and the display incessantly turns into scorching scorching to the contact.

Then there’s the lights situation. Until I bear in mind to manually lock the automobile after strolling away from it, I’ll often discover later that the outside lights are nonetheless ablaze in my driveway. I assumed it could be human error the primary time it occurred. By the third time, I noticed that it’s a “characteristic” the place the i4 enters a “pseudo-sleep mode” that retains lights and different methods working indefinitely. A number of homeowners report the identical situation: park the automobile, stroll away, return later to seek out their automobile lit up like a beacon and draining the battery. 

Past the sensation on a near-daily foundation that the automobile has amnesia, there are legit security issues. The 2022 i4 was topic to 6 recollects in its first yr, together with one so critical that BMW advised homeowners their vehicles have been hearth dangers when parked and suggested them to “cease driving this automobile instantly.” Since then, different recollects have included battery management items that may trigger a sudden lack of energy.

BMW releases software program updates for the i4 roughly each few months, however the course of is fraught with points. Updates routinely break linked companies, inflicting homeowners to lose entry to visitors info, climate information, distant parking features, and even the MyBMW app connectivity. 

The over-the-air replace system itself is unreliable, with homeowners reporting updates that get caught at varied percentages for days, forcing journeys to sellers for handbook set up. 

What’s particularly galling is that BMW positions these automobiles as premium merchandise. Should you’re shopping for somewhat than leasing, the i4 begins at over $50,000, with well-equipped fashions pushing $70,000 or extra. In the meantime, homeowners of cheaper automobiles, together with Hyundais and Lexus fashions, report bulletproof connectivity and seamless consumer experiences. 

I’m not saying the corporate rushed these vehicles to market with out adequately testing their digital ecosystem, then determined to deal with their prospects as beta testers with out taking their well-being under consideration, however I’m additionally not not saying that.

I genuinely wished this relationship to work. The i4 is attractive, drives superbly, and represents every thing I assumed I wished in an electrical automobile. However I can’t proceed a relationship the place essentially the most primary features – unlocking doorways, connecting my cellphone, getting instructions – require the endurance of a saint. (I wouldn’t have the endurance of a saint.)

Even my tech-savvy husband, who’s normally the primary to counsel consumer error, lately emerged from the automobile after a very irritating software program meltdown and introduced that he would “must meditate for a bit.”

Automobile possession shouldn’t be a relentless supply of aggravation. I shouldn’t have to take care of a psychological database of workarounds for options that ought to simply work. I shouldn’t dread software program updates as a result of they may break one thing that was (principally) purposeful.

So BMW, I’ve had it. You made a stunning automobile, then sabotaged it with software program so crummy that it’s nearly comical. I assumed we’d drive into the sundown collectively. As a substitute, I’m driving my i4 again to the dealership as my lease is over. I’m shocked to say I can’t wait.